They can’t all be winners.

Perhaps that was the greatest takeaway from Week 12 in the B1G. Five of the seven games on the schedule were decided by 18 points or more. Only one game — appropriately Nebraska-Wisconsin — was decided by a single possession.

Ohio State Buck’ed up Michigan State. Minnesota boat-raced Indiana. Michigan put Maryland in shell shock. Purdue hit home run after home run on Northwestern. Penn State’s “pride” was too much for Rutgers.

I’m sorry — I had to come up with ways to entertain myself. After all, the average margin of victory for Saturday’s slate was 24.9 points per game. So I apologize for the puns, but I had a lot of time to think about them.

Enough with the jokes, though. Let’s dive into some overreactions!

Groundhusk Day

Is Nebraska living out the movie Groundhog Day in real time? Is Scott Frost the college football coaching equivalent of Phil Connors? That has to be the case, right? Otherwise, none of this makes sense.

How is it possible the Huskers are sitting at 3-8 this season with 7 losses by 1 possession? A team that looks lightyears ahead of where it was a season ago still can’t put the finishing touches on a victory.

After dropping the season opener to Illinois, Frost stood at the podium and said it “looked like the same old movie.” It’s been a phrase he’s repeated throughout the season. Clearly, that movie is Groundhog Day.

Plus, after not getting a pass interference call on the final play against Wisconsin Saturday, Frost looked like he would’ve enjoyed this scene with a B1G official a little too much:

Not every game plays out the same way, but the result always seems to be Nebraska on the losing side of the scoreboard. But, if there’s a silver lining? Even Phil figured out a way to end the nightmare near the end of the film.

Can Frost and the Huskers get it right for their final showing?

Ask, and you shall defer

Let’s just call it like it is: There hasn’t been much faith in B1G officiating this year. Even though it didn’t really matter on Saturday, I would’ve liked to gauge the heart rate of everyone sitting inside The Horseshoe when Michigan State and Ohio State met at the 50-yard line for the coin toss.

If an official had to ask, “Michigan State, you’re the visitor, right?” it gives fans much less confidence in their ability to make the right call throughout the game.

Maybe it was a joke that missed the mark. I actually hope that was the case.

Did he forget he was in Ohio? Did he not see the name “Ohio State” or “Buckeyes” plastered across the stadium? What was he doing when the Scarlet and Gray were going through Senior Day festivities?

This is bothering me way more than it should, to be honest.

Hey you, Veilleux!

Too often, we hear coaches use the phrase, “Next man up,” when dealing with injuries or illness. As if stepping into a situation someone has never been in before is as easy as remembering how to ride a bicycle.

Apparently it is that easy for Christian Veilleux, though.

Sean Clifford left Saturday’s Penn State-Rutgers game in the first quarter, forcing James Franklin to make a change at quarterback. Veilleux did an admirable job against a B1G opponent in the first outing of his career.

Veilleux completed 15-of-24 passes for 235 yards and 3 touchdowns and rushed for 36 yards on 10 carries. All that against a Rutgers defense that has been pretty solid for most of the year. Not bad.

The only real concern I have? How is his balance? After that tremendous outing, Veilleux took a spill while heading off the field and into the locker room. Gotta get that cleaned up.

Out of the Stroud-osphere

My goodness, CJ Stroud.

Remember during Saturday’s College GameDay Heisman segment where every analyst on set said there’s no clear frontrunner for the award? I think Stroud probably changed that with his play inside The Shoe.

Stroud ended the day with TWICE AS MANY TOUCHDOWNS (6) AS INCOMPLETIONS (3). Sorry for shouting, but that was one of the most masterful performances we’ve seen from a quarterback. He did it against the No. 7 team in the country with a B1G East division title at stake, too.

And you know what we’re not going to do after he threw for 432 yards and 6 touchdowns? We’re not going to keep slamming Michigan State’s pass defense as an excuse for Stroud’s incredible day. I mean, yes, the Spartans are awful in that department, but how about we give the freshman quarterback some credit?

It’s not like MSU is the only team that has suffered this kind of fate when going up against Stroud.

After Saturday’s performance, he should easily be the frontrunner for the Heisman. Easily.

What the, Tuck?!

Someone explain what Michigan State was attempting to accomplish on Saturday. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen something not work so badly. Maybe Dabo Swinney’s decision to rank Ohio State No. 11 in last year’s USA TODAY Coaches Poll immediately before playing the Buckeyes in the College Football Playoff?

For his sake, I hope the ink had dried on Mel Tucker’s new 10-year, $95 million contract to stay in East Lansing.

Jim Marbaugh

Because he is a 95-year-old trapped in a 57-year-old’s body, Jim Harbaugh broke out a marble reference when talking about Michigan’s opportunity to win the B1G East and play for a conference title for the first time under the head coach.

“We want to finish it,” Harbaugh said after Michigan smacked Maryland. “We want to win all the marbles.”

Do you think the Wolverines hit up the soda fountain once they got back to Ann Arbor? Maybe they decided to shoot some dice in a back alley, as well.

Honestly, reading that quote reminded me of John Candy’s bit in Rookie of the Year when the Cubs were playing the Mets for the pennant. I hope Harbaugh walked into the locker room and gave his team this spiel in College Park:

All the Wright stuff

Milton had it all on Saturday. The Wright moves. Was in the Wright spot. Wright place, Wright time. OK, I’ll stop.

Sorry, I lied, I have to get in one more “dad joke”: Maybe they should rename Wrigley Field “Wright(ley) Field.” Am I Wright?

In all seriousness, hats off to the Purdue receiver. He hauled in 8 catches for 213 yards and 3 touchdowns in the Boilermakers’ 32-14 win over Northwestern. Basically, he doubled his production through 10 games in 1 afternoon.

Because of it, Purdue has secured a winning season by claiming its 7th victory. In the words of Jeff Brohm, “How ’bout them Boilers, baby!!!”

Yeah, we fancy like…

Kansas’ Jared Casey landed an NIL deal with Applebee’s after hauling in the game-winning 2-point conversion against Texas in Week 11. Did you think I’d really let that slide?

College football and Applebee’s go together like peanut butter and jelly. We have to talk about it.

Casey’s commercial was equal parts awesome, terrible and hilarious. I thoroughly enjoyed watching it over and over again when it was posted earlier this week.

Maybe he’ll land an offseason music video shoot with Walker Hayes next.

B1G 10-win seasons

One of my (least) favorite things is when dumb people chime in on how bad the B1G is every year. How dare the conference think it could even consider itself to be on pace with such a dominant league like the SEC?!

Here’s the thing: There are 5 teams in the B1G with a chance to end the year with a 10-win season. Ohio State and Michigan have already locked up a double-digit victory total. Michigan State and Iowa both sit at 9 wins with 1 week and a bowl game ahead. Wisconsin sits at 8.

The SEC could also have as many has 5 teams. The ACC potentially has 4. The Big 12 and Pac-12 have 3 and 2, respectively.

So maybe, just maybe, the B1G isn’t so bad after all? Nah … that can’t be it.

Rivalry Week, here we come

I’m not crying, you’re crying!

OK, I actually am crying. Seriously, where has this season gone?! We should not be heading into the final weekend of the regular season. It’s passed us by so flippin’ fast.

Sorry for the almost swear.

If there’s a silver lining, this should be one of the most entertaining Rivalry Week slate’s we’ve had in the B1G in recent memory. Iowa and Wisconsin don’t play each other, but both head into their final games with a shot to claim a West title. Technically, so does Minnesota, although a lot would have to go right.

Maryland and Rutgers, both 5-6, are dueling for bowl eligibility. Purdue is looking to post its first 8-win regular season since 2006 and Indiana is hoping to notch its first conference victory.

Then, of course, there’s the colossal showdown between No. 4 Ohio State and No. 6 Ann Arbor, both at 10-1, with a B1G East title and likely a trip to the College Football Playoff hanging in the balance. It doesn’t get much better than that.

Are we sad the season is almost over? Of course! What kind of question is that? But at least we’ll be thoroughly entertained by the schedule ahead.

Lights, camera, action.