The weekends that appear to be the most boring in college football are typically anything but that. We witnessed it firsthand on Saturday.

Week 4 in the B1G was largely ignored for a relatively ho-hum slate. While it was far from the premier day that we’ve seen at times throughout the young season, it still provided plenty of excitement.

Excitement that, well, let’s face it, some fanbases would rather forget.

You can’t forget it, though. I’m not going to let you. These overreactions won’t let you. Let’s dive in, shall we?

Return order

Right now, I can only imagine that Mark Coyle is digging around his office in Minnesota, attempting to find the receipt for his order of Bowling Green and hoping the return date hasn’t expired.

The Golden Gophers paid the Falcons a whopping $1.45 million to travel to the Twin Cities and beat Minnesota in front of a homecoming crowd. Talk about a double-whammy. Oh, and Bowling Green hadn’t defeated an FBS team since 2019.

I’ve made purchases while watching Home Shopping Network at 2:30 a.m. that haven’t been that regrettable.

After the game, P.J. Fleck said the loss, “Falls on me,” which is pretty fitting, because the Fuel song is exactly the kind of melody I expect was blaring in the background when Minnesota nailed down this “buy game.”

Have you ever heard Fleck sound angrier? That’s an actual, real-life question.

D-D-D, Defense! (literally)

Now I understand the chants inside Ross-Ade Stadium. All this time, fans were just calling for 3 defensive coordinators. What an intelligent bunch.

So far, Purdue’s 3-man defensive coordinator approach — while hilarious — is actually working. The Boilermakers held Illinois to just 9 points in a narrow win. The Boilers also held UConn scoreless and kept Oregon State at 21 points.

Despite Bob Diaco’s best efforts to burn the defense to the ground in West Lafayette, the Boilers have new life on that side of the ball.

Nebraska? More like, “No Breaks, Huh?”

When you rattle off the list of Nebraska’s special teams’ problems, it sounds a little like a Christmas song.

A seven-yard punt. Five missed field goals. Three botched PATs. Two fumbled punts. One safety. One defensive PAT. One surrendered punt return for a touchdown. And a partridge in a pear tree.

Sports Betting in Big Ten Country

There is big news coming to the upcoming 2022-23 Big Ten football season (and NFL season). Ohio online sports betting and Maryland sports betting are on the way.

21+ and present in OH. Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER.

To be honest, I’m not even sure that’s everything. The bottom line? Nebraska’s special teams is…poor. So bad, in fact, that fans are seriously considering starting a petition to eliminate “special” from the name moving forward:

Maybe that’s a joke. The sarcasm font on my Twitter app is broken.

Wisc_nsin Badgers

Looking for the “O” in Wisc_nsin? So is Paul Chryst. If you find it, give him a call. Or maybe page him on his beeper. Seems like a beeper guy.

Well, well, well…how the turntables

Less than one week ago, SEC Network host Paul Finebaum slandered the B1G. Even after Penn State’s win over Auburn, he made the comment that “if Penn State is the best team in the B1G, they’re in for a terrible year.”

Six days since that comment was made and McElory and Cubelic in the Morning, Finebaum has changed his tune. On ESPN’s SportsCenter, the radio host listed Penn State as the No. 4 team in his College Football Playoff rankings.

As a bonus, he also mentioned Iowa as a “team to file away” after a 4-0 start.

How’s that crow tastin’, Mr. Finebaum?

Penn State’s version of “rat poison”

Speaking of Penn State…James Franklin is taking a page of Nik Saban’s book. He’s just labeling it as something different.

The Nittany Lions had a less-than-stellar performance against an overmatch Villanova team, winning 38-17. After the game, Franklin was evidently peeved with how his team practiced and played throughout the week.

“I think they’re getting patted on the back, I think they’re reading articles, and we’ll make sure that there’s no leftovers of that come Sunday,” Franklin said after the game. “I’ll make sure that we clear all those things out of the fridge.”

Can we at least get an update on what kind of leftovers are sitting in that fridge before you go tossing it out, James?

A Pope explodes inside the cathedral

Attending an Ohio State football game can be considered a religious experience. Well, fans were treated to quite the spectacle that involved a Pope on Saturday in Columbus.

Per Austin Ward of Lettermen Row, linebacker K’Vaughan Pope tossed his gloves into the stands and took of his jersey in the middle of Ohio State’s game against Akron. He was later escorted to the tunnel and did not return to the sideline.

If you’re thinking, “Well, I bet Ryan Day went into the locker room and smoothed things over with him,” you’re wrong. Here is the NSFW tweet that Pope fired out, that was predictably deleted a few moments later:

Saturday might’ve been the most entertaining 59-7 victory in the history of football.

You might be surprised to find out that Pope is no longer with Ohio State’s football program. Ryan Day released a statement on Sunday morning to address the linebacker’s dismissal.

Comedy of (kicking) errors

Can we talk about what happened in the world of kicking in the span of about 15 minutes at Spartan Stadium?

First of all, this was the field goal attempt from Michigan State that ended the half. There’s no question the snap through everything off for the Spartans, but you have to admit, Matt Coghlin looked like a toddler walking up to a soccer ball for the first time in his life.

As if that wasn’t enough, a fan was asked to come down onto the field during halftime and attempt a field goal for a chance to win a car. Based on the subheading, you’ve probably already guessed it went horribly wrong.

Not only was the kick nowhere close, the fan fell down in the process.

To be fair to the fan, I would’ve done the exact same thing. Although I might’ve just stayed on the field in shame for a little bit longer.

Coghlin redeemed himself, drilling a game-winning field goal for Michigan State in overtime. The fan left East Lansing in the same damn car he drove to the stadium.

Hull of a day

Where in the Hull has this been?

Evan Hull piled up 216 yards and scored 2 touchdowns in Northwestern’s win over Ohio. It was really the first sign of life the Wildcats’ offense has shown all season.

What in the Hull took so long to get the running back so many touches?!

Magic Mike

Everyone, keep your shirt on. We’re not talking about Channing Tatum. The B1G’s “Magic Mike” is Mike Locksley.

Maryland is sitting at 4-0 with wins over a nonconference Power 5 opponent, a league foe, a solid Group of 5 program and an FCS school. It’s not exactly a gauntlet, but it’s a pretty stout lineup, and the Terrapins haven’t had too much trouble getting to this point.

It’s safe to say Locksley is working some magic in College Park right now. Instead of dancing around the…club, the Terps are dancing around the field.

Not bad, “Magic Mike.”