Before he turned into a mustachioed Creamsicle whose visage sold wine, Mike Ditka dispersed practical advice to anyone willing to stick a microphone in his face. I always enjoyed, “Living in the past is for losers and cowards.”

Who am I to play the monkey emoticon who covers its ears when a rapper and the pitchman of all pitchmen dispenses pearls of wisdom at no cost?

In Week 2 of B1G Action we’ll attempt to learn from our mistakes, but forge ahead to a better week and attempt to see the good in a vanilla Michigan offense.

With two losses in Week One, the lone win came from the Over of Penn State and Appalachian State. Crestfallen by the 10-10 tie at halftime, one touchdown off the pace to hit the number at 54, the Lazarus/Undertaker routine from both the Penn State offense and Appalachian State offense (terminology dependent upon your view of Vince McMahon as a deity) in the fourth quarter staved off an abysmal 0-3 mark. Forgive me, and here’s to hoping your child’s college fund wasn’t tied to my Michigan pick. Even if it was, your rash decision-making is perfect for my pyramid scheme sound and legal investment algorithm as advertised in the men’s bathroom at any second-rate oasis.

(All lines taken from

Author’s note: Lines may have shifted from when I pulled the number for the column. Lighten up gang.

Maryland (-16.5) at Bowling Green o/u 65.5

The play: Over

Sports Betting in Big Ten Country

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Illogical Reasoning: Maryland handled the adversity surrounding their program well and made it a point to play in honor of Jordan McNair, leaving the focus on their deceased teammate and not the indefinite suspension of Maryland coach D.J. Durkin. The win over Texas lessens any sort of urgency to bring Durkin back and don’t think interim coach Matt Canada wants to return to a role as coordinator. Even with Texas’ ability to pick up 100 yards in penalties, only one extended a Maryland drive.

Bowling Green scored at a consistent clip last week on the road against Oregon and both teams are in the top 20 of plays per game. Look for a fast pace and some offensive ingenuity from Canada, who employs a bunch of pre-snap motion to confuse the defense.

Western Michigan vs. Michigan (-28) o/u 56.5

The play: Michigan

Illogical Reasoning: Yes, Michigan trailed Notre Dame out of the gate and even with a chance to tie at the end of regulation did anyone think the offense showed any sorts of creativity or daring-do that would at least put Michigan in the red zone? I’ll hang up and listen for your answer while I bludgeon my forehead with my cellular device.

That’s not to say we need to fasten the panic button to the hot seat, or maybe it’s supposed to be someone with a cool seat, or is it a cooler head that prevails, who presses a panic button? Sports jargon leaves me touched in the head. It’s amazing all the commentators on national shows come off as so lucid and even-keeled.

Michigan’s defense kept them in the game in the second half, even if it didn’t produce the sort of game-changing turnover needed to win on the road. Maybe that’s all we can expect from a strong Michigan defensive line: dominate the line of scrimmage and force the quarterback into such a horrible throw that it happens upon someone in the secondary.

Expect both the offense and defense to maintain a healthy presence this week. The hum-drum offensive attack will be enough to total up yards and scores and the defense should be able to force Western Michigan into a few turnovers in Michigan territory.

Surmounting the gap of 28 points is more about Michigan and less about Western Michigan. The itchiness is nearing razor burn stages across all Michigan Men and the female malady equivalent for the under-mentioned Michigan Women. A  cover against the Broncos would simmer the rage at least for a week.

Rutgers vs. Ohio State (-35) o/u 63.5

The play: Ohio State

Illogical reasoning: My football world holds Rutgers and Oregon State in equal regard, so I don’t see the difficulty in Ohio State putting up points early and often against a Rutgers team that recovered two fumbles against Texas State last week and survived three interceptions thrown by New Jersey’s forty-eighth favorite son, Artur Sitkowski.

I can’t see Rutgers cobbling together a game plan that has Sitkowski attempting a lot of throws after the vaunted Bobcats intercepted him three times last week, but the Buckeyes have to be smarting after allowing 31 points to Oregon State. As a side bet: I’ll set the number of three-and-outs for the Rutgers offense in the first half at 5.5.

Overall record: 1-2

Main event status as a prognosticator: Mid-card right now. In the middle of a feud with Greg “The Hammer” Valentine that would be the popcorn match at most house shows.