If we’re being honest, and really, an online reader/writer relationship without honesty is nothing more than a politician’s website, Week 3 does not fill me with the sort of matchups to bet the house and all but guarantee a limousine-riding, jet-flying, lifestyle.

The lines seem just right, the Over’s just a little too high, the Under’s just a little too under. Nothing looks good. My confidence is depleted, my moxie nonexistent. I’m hopeful to pull off the sort of performance a starting pitcher does when he leaves his bullpen session bolstered by only guts and guile. I’m Harris this week, minus the jalapeno juice up the nose.

(All lines taken from mybookie.ag)

Author’s note: Lines may have shifted from when I pulled the number for the column. Lighten up gang.

SMU vs. Michigan (-36) o/u 53.5

The play: Michigan -36

Illogical reasoning: We’re all guilty of putting too much stock into Week 1, especially games on a grand stage. The terrors elicited from the loss were downgraded to mere unpleasant thoughts stored away until conference play starts.

Expect Michigan’s offensive line to showcase more of the same against SMU that they showed against Western Michigan when the Wolverines amassed 308 yards rushing. The team’s willingness to harken back to three yards and a cloud of yuck (yuck imminent against conferences foes) won’t catch up with them this week, but Harbaugh and his Sect of Offensive Decision Makers need to open it up a little more for quarterback Shea Patterson if the Wolverines want to knock off any of the powers in the B1G East. It won’t matter against the Mustangs who played TCU close for a half and turned on the afterburners against North Texas when they trailed 36-0.

Ohio State vs. TCU (neutral site) -12.5 o/u 59.5

The play: Ohio State

Illogical reasoning: TCU coach Gary Patterson is 8-1 against the number when his team is an underdog (excluding games against Oklahoma), according to Chris Fallica on “Behind the Bets.” The daunting number seems less daunting with Ohio State’s big-play ability on offense. If TCU’s defense can somehow force Ohio State to grind out drives the number is in danger, but there’s too much talent at the skill position for the Buckeyes and their quick-strike ability won me over, regardless of competition. Look for Ohio State’s defensive line to raise a little bit of hell and force a late turnover to seal the number.

Kent State vs. Penn State -35.5 (o/u 64)

The play: The Over

Illogical reasoning: Let’s be clear: Even if I like an Under, it’s not one i’m going to communicate to you, the red-blooded American public. I don’t want you to watch games for the Under to hit. This from someone who’s favorite lyric in “The Superbowl Shuffle” comes from Gary Fencik when he Hamilton-raps, “Buddy’s guys cover it down to the bone, that’s why the call us the 46 Zone.” I love teams built on defense and the havoc a dominant defense creates. Give me your chains, your thrones, your robes, and your backpacks. Just don’t make me root for teams not to score.

Kent State’s motto since coach Sean Lewis took over is “Flash Fast.” The offense, distilled from the likes of Art Briles and Dino Babers, calls for a hurry-up offense so frenetic you won’t have time to pop a Xanax. Kent State will push the tempo the entire game, something not hard to envision for a team ranked 14 nationally for offensive snaps per game. With the additional number of offensive snaps and the big play capability of Penn State running back Miles Sanders who is averaging 6 yards a rush the Over seems safe.

And much more patriotic than rooting for the Under.

Overall record: 3-3

Last week 2-1

Main event status as a prognosticator: With the two wins last week I find myself entrenched in midcard status, If I can fend off the likes of Outlaw Ron Bass and The Honky Tonk Man expect some more prominent matches and a sizable interview segment on “Superstars.”