Saturday Tradition hands out Christmas gifts to the B1G
There might only be 10 B1G bowl teams, but everyone deserves Christmas presents.
It doesn’t matter if you ended up on the naughty list like Rutgers. All are worthy of receiving a gift this year.
Here’s what each B1G team will have under the tree on Christmas morning.
Illinois: An athletic director
So simple, right? You would think that a school with such turmoil within its administration would have some urgency to get an AD. Instead, the program continues to drag its feet on making a hire that should’ve been in place a month ago.
Indiana: All the tackling sleds money can buy
I’ve raved about the IU offense, but the defense still struggles with the No. 1 thing a defense shouldn’t struggle to do. If the Hoosiers could’ve just been an average tackling team, they likely would’ve wound up with eight or nine wins.
Iowa: Colin Cowherd’s home address
To do with it what they wish.
Maryland: A new ID card
Hey, those are expensive these days. You will not recognize Maryland in 2016. With a new coaching staff, a new offense and certainly some new uniforms, the Terps will look completely different under D.J. Durkin.
Michigan: Steak, steak and more steak
Jim Harbaugh’s daily vitamin will need to be consumed by the Wolverines if they want to have staying power in the B1G East. Ohio State pushed Michigan around, which won’t be forgotten in Ann Arbor anytime soon. The course of a long season wore on the Wolverines, and they didn’t look quite as strong down the stretch. They should follow their coach’s advise.
Michigan State: Truckload of potato chips
The Spartans need every chip on their shoulder imaginable to take down Alabama. They’ve already gotten a few from Derrick Henry, Sports Illustrated and Las Vegas, but they could use a whole bunch more. Some extra bulletin board material definitely wouldn’t hurt.
Dantonio, looks like you got some chips on your shoulder, right? pic.twitter.com/249EFZGg64
— Bobby Kunz (@UofMDieHards) November 20, 2015
Minnesota: A tropical vacation
Because something about Detroit in late December just feels mean.
Nebraska: A chalk board
So Tommy Armstrong can write “I will not throw off my back foot and across my body” a million times.
Northwestern: A spot on “Dancing with the Stars”
I feel like the Wildcats have been auditioning for this all season. We know about their postgame dance parties. It’s only a matter of time before we see the Wildcats fill the football slot the ABC show. Let’s just make sure this doesn’t happen again.
Ohio State: Forgiveness
Ok, so maybe that’s not a tangible gift, but could anyone have used forgiveness more than the Buckeyes in 2015? J.T. Barrett needed it when he was cited for drunk driving. Ezekiel Elliott needed it when he went off on the coaching staff. Adolphus Washington needed it when he was busted for soliciting a prostitute before the biggest job interview of his life. The Buckeyes, as a whole, needed forgiveness from the College Football Playoff Selection Committee for losing a game to one of the nation’s best. In the end, Alabama was the only team that truly got forgiveness. Surprise, surprise.
Penn State: A job shadow with the Secret Service
Certainly they know how to protect better than the Lions. Say what you want about Christian Hackenberg, but there’s no way the guy should’ve been sacked over 100 times in three seasons. Maybe a day following some of the most highly trained men in America would end that trend.
Purdue: A hug
Same frustrating season, same dwindling attendance, same coach who hasn’t produced any results in three years. It’s been rough for the Boiler fans that have remained loyal. On the bright side, Santa did give Purdue a sweet new facilities upgrade.
Rutgers: A clean slate
That might be easier said than done with the NCAA still investigating the Kyle Flood regime. But Chris Ash and Patrick Hobbs deserve to start anew without any sanctions hovering over the program. Even though 2015 was a complete dumpster fire, 2016 should be anything but.
Wisconsin: A polygraph
Wisconsin would get plenty of use out of this. They could use it on incoming coaches to ask if they plan on staying in Madison. They can use it on players when they talk about how they injure themselves in off-campus altercations. The Badgers can even use it on Barry Alvarez to tell us what really goes on behind closed doors in the College Football Playoff Selection Committee room. Fans everywhere would chip in for that gift.