Inevitably, there are doing to be some stupid questions asked in Indianapolis this week. As NFL hopefuls ready themselves for the combine, they’ll have to respond to some odd questions from front offices.

If you could kill someone and get away with it, would you?

Do you think your mom is attractive?

Boxers or briefs?

Obviously, none of those questions have to do with football. Still, they’ll be asked. So with stupidity in the air, I thought it’d be appropriate to break loose from the public relations-approved questions and get into the deeper stuff.

Here’s what I’d ask every B1G combine invitee if I had the mic.


  • Geronimo Allison, WR  — What’s the worst injury you “gutted out?”
  • Josh Ferguson, RB — Was there a detonator in Champaign that would’ve gone off if you got 25 carries in a game?
  • Jihad Ward, DL — Could you start on the Illinois basketball team right now?


  • Jordan Howard, RB — How happy is your bank account that you got to run all over Michigan instead of Middle Tennessee?
  • Darius Latham, DT — On a scale of 1-to-freaking out, how nervous are you that they’re calling this the best defensive tackle class ever?
  • Jason Spriggs, OT — What percentage of Kevin Wilson’s words did you actually understand?
  • Nate Sudfeld, QB — Growing up, how many passes of yours did your brother drop?


  • Austin Blythe, C — Did you guys even notice who was playing tailback?
  • Marshall Koehn, K — How many drinks did you pay for in Iowa City after the Pitt game?
  • Drew Ott, DE — How ridiculous is the NCAA?
  • Jordan Lomax, S — Could God have tackled Christian McCaffrey in the Rose Bowl?


  • Brad Craddock, K — How similar is your day-to-day life to the kicker from The Replacements?
  • Sean Davis, DB — Did you have more catches in practice than Maryland receivers?
  • Quinton Jefferson, DT — How not fun was the West Virginia game?
  • Yannick Ngakoue, LB — What’s the worst pronunciation of your name you’ve heard?

Michigan State

  • Jack Allen, C — Do people hate Connor Cook because he’s a bad group-texter?
  • Aaron Burbridge, WR — Do you enjoy people saying Braxton Miller has a better NFL future than you even though you nearly quadrupled his production?
  • Shilique Calhoun, DE — How many Nebraska fans still tweet at you?
  • Jack Conklin, OT — Blocking the Alabama defense was the least fun thing you’ve done since_______?
  • Connor Cook, QB — Did Archie Griffin have it coming?
  • Joel Heath, DT — Is Derrick Henry a human being or did Nick Saban build him in his lair?
  • Lawrence Thomas, DL — How often do you tell strangers that your name is ‘LT’ in hopes that they’ll mistake you for Lawrence Taylor?


  • Graham Glasgow, C — Does Harbaugh Netflix and chill with players or just recruits?
  • Willie Henry, DT — Could Brady Hoke out-eat the linemen?


  • Briean Boddy-Calhoun, CB — Did your parents want people to botch your name your whole life?
  • De’Vondre Campbell, LB — How badly do you not want to spend another four years in a frozen tundra?
  • Eric Murray, CB — Does it make you uncomfortable when scouts call you “hand-sy?”


  • Maliek Collins, DT — Were those plates you squatted made out of paper maché?
  • Alex Lewis, OT — Did you guys put Shawn Eichorst’s face on a blocking sled?
  • Andy Janovich, FB — Why didn’t you get the ball 50 times per game?
  • Vincent Valentine, DT — Did you declare early because all the cool kids were doing it?


  • Dean Lowry, DE — How much more money will you make with a Northwestern economics degree than with a Northwestern football degree?
  • Dan Vitale, FB — How many active NFL fullbacks can you name?

Ohio State

  • Eli Apple, CB — What did Urban Meyer promise you if you stayed another year?
  • Vonn Bell, S — Who was your favorite B1G receiver to light up?
  • Joey Bosa, DE — How many times have you been called a “high-motor” guy in the last two months?
  • Taylor Decker, OT — How much do Notre Dame fans despise you?
  • Ezekiel Elliott, RB — What did Urban Meyer REALLY do to you when he found out about your post-MSU game rant?
  • Cardale Jones, QB — Did you ever contemplate a Tonya Harding-like move to get your job back?
  • Darron Lee, LB — Was Connor Cook also responsible for the real estate bubble burst?
  • Jalin Marshall, WR — Um, what are you doing here so soon?
  • Braxton Miller, WR — How many TD passes would you have thrown against MSU?
  • Joshua Perry, LB — Have you ever done anything wrong?
  • Tyvis Powell, S — Did Cardale’s lack of playing time solidify your role as his dad?
  • Mike Thomas, WR — I know you always tell people to shhhhhhhhh, but when are we allowed to make noise?
  • Nick Vannett, TE — Are you excited to play for someone who actually believes in tight ends?
  • Adolphus Washington, DT — If you could take back one dumb decision you made right before the Fiesta Bowl, what would it be?

Penn State

  • Christian Hackenberg, QB — How would you describe James Franklin’s offense in two words or less?
  • Austin Johnson, NT — Are you still gassed from your scoop and score against San Diego State?
  • Jordan Lucas, S — How many letters did the seniors write to Bill O’Brien asking him to come back?
  • Carl Nassib, DE — How tired are you of being asked about being a former walk-on? I mean, what’s it like to be a former walk-on?
  • Anthony Zettel, DT — Could you take Rhonda Rousey?


  • Anthony Brown, CB — Did you play in front of more fans in high school than you did in college?


  • Leonte Carroo, WR — Wait, weren’t you supposed to be here a year ago?
  • Steve Longa, LB — Are you looking forward to not having to make every tackle?


  • Tyler Marz, OT — How often does your hair get pulled on a given fall Saturday?
  • Joe Schobert, LB — How many Pro Bowls will it take to make “Joe the Show” an appropriate NFL nickname?
  • Joel Stave, QB — Are you excited to play in front of fans that will cheer for you when you win games?