Predicting every B1G team’s final record after Week 3’s results
Does Bob Seger have one more song in him? Looking for something in the “unfulfilled expectations with a tinge of nostalgia” genre. Kid Rock’s busy at the moment. His primary skill set of yelling and anger emoted rarely works in the Big Ten outside of Columbus.
The conference’s representation from the state of Michigan succumbed to a series of body blows, jabs, uppercuts, haymakers, and phone books of metropolitan cities to the face before midday on Saturday. The result: internal bleeding that somehow surpassed the cuts, lesions, and swelling accrued in the course of one day of action. But enough about where the state’s 16 electoral votes went. Week 3 made fan bases red with anger and blue with sadness. Hey Seger, I think I got that lost lyric.
If brain freezes were contracted via exposure to box scores all one needs to do is read the line of missteps from Saturday. Twelve penalties for 120 yards, 3-12 on third down, allowing 325 rushing yards. I haven’t committed to a winless season yet because I’m a sucker for a stay of execution.
Indiana is Big Ten Good. Not even sure if the qualifier seems necessary. In the team’s first three games, the Hoosiers scored over 35 points against Penn State, Rutgers and Michigan. Anyone who told you at the start of the season the conference’s matchup of matchups could be Indiana against Ohio State spoke from a lifetime of flinging every last spaghetti noodle against the wall in hopes one stuck.
Nothing remarkable came from the Hawkeyes’ win against Michigan State. Special teams touchdown, defensive touchdown, the baseball equivalent of scoring on a suicide squeeze and a three-base error all in a matter of moments. Offensive ugliness still permeates the program, but for one week it’s neato to score like Ohio State. Thank the potential 5-3 record on competition, not competence.
Maryland swayed me on the arm of Taulia Tagovailoa and Rakim Jarrett’s big game against Penn State. The Terps are hyper-volatile for me and my season-prediction log has the winner of the Rutgers-Maryland game scratched out so frequently the indention on the page is deep enough to set a golf tee.
The first phase of the “Who Do We Hire Next” process is outsized expectations of one’s university and its football program. Expect the names of Dabo Swinney, Nick Saban, and Urban Meyer (Michigan has someone tech-savvy enough to teach his inner circle how to add the letter “M” to one’s twitter profile.) to flitter around the search. And Jerry Glanville. Just because it’s important to keep Jerry Glanville relevant.
Michigan State: 2-6
I try not to take coaches to task frequently. Their weeks are filled with finding the right quote to put at the end of a video montage and a merry-go-round of confusion as they refer to every man in the football facility as “coach.” Then there’s Mel Tucker.
The Michigan State coach chose to kick a 51-yard field goal down 21-0 near the end of the first half of the loss to Iowa. Tucker’s kicker missed the field goal and the Hawkeyes only closed out the first half with a punt return touchdown and interception returned for a touchdown.
Rashod Bateman sighting!
With each week and unsteady public action that accompanies it, Nebraska is the Brooklyn Brawler if WWE creative allowed him to seek out his own competition on camera. The results seem rote.
On the foundation of a veteran-laden defense and a clean offense, the Wildcats continue to outplay opponents without masquerading as a dominant team. Well, except for third down defense. Northwestern stayed stingy at the most important times Saturday, allowing Nebraska to convert only 4 of 16 third downs.
Ohio State: 8-0
No nits to pick.
Anyone else try to add a second wick to their Rondale Moore votive candle this weekend?
Penn State: 4-4
That Maryland sacked Sean Clifford seven times, most coming in the second half, highlights the sort of hiccups plaguing the Nittany Lions. Outside of the seven sacks Clifford took this week, no other number sticks out as a sign of futility. Well, except the team’s overall record, but that’s meta.
In a profession of by-the-book decisions and coaching scared, Greg Schaino upped the trickery and the “Aw, the hell with it” factor this weekend. The Scarlet Knights went for two after every touchdown scored, attempted two cross-field laterals on special teams and offensive lineman Raiqwon O’Neal (technically) rushed for a touchdown.
What more do you want from me?