The Way We Watch: An irrefutable weekly ranking of the B1G's best games

Now’s as good a time as any to muscle up to the table with James Franklin and Nick Saban. We all have opinions on ideal start times for games, either leather-eyed from the night before or shot out of a cannon the moment Milton the Black Lab uses your nose as a tether ball since his tail provided insufficient company for the 5 a.m. hour. 

My ideal start time falls between the day’s bookends. Night games are on the back end of what very well could be bad-football fatigue. We’ve ground out some awful performances, failed to sweat out a single close game, and bore witness to enough yellow flags and play stoppages to spot the mole on the referee’s chin. Keep us away from the sport. Look, “Jacques Pepin The Art of Craft” up next on PBS! 

Early starts are great from a sleep standpoint, but 11 a.m. comes fast when you want to go to the driving range, pick up ingredients for chili, and look at the car for eight minutes before the decision to go another week without washing it all before the first game. Might as well split the difference.

The 2:30 pm CST games are an opportune time to watch football and drive a steak right through the heart of the day. Obligations are diminished and pushed aside for it. No extended lunches, no early dinners. The game, by way of its start time, is the event. Might as well inconvenience everyone in the pursuit of entertainment. 

Indiana is idle in Week Six, but aren’t they most weeks? 

Game #3: Illinois @ Minnesota, 2:30 CST BTN

Week Three is a long fall off a short cliff after the first two games. If Purdue did not strike a group deal on casts there’s a good chance the game against Penn State landed in the three spot. The chance to watch PJ Fleck will his team through a frenzy of clapped hands and you-got-this head nods is enough hysterics on the sideline for a four-win Minnesota team who dodges defeat with the cunningness of Frank Drebin.

Minnesota has talent at the wide receiver position and the aerial assault on Illinois is enough to earn space on the big television set. Illinois for its part, played true to form to start the season. The Fighting Illini average 7.2 penalties a game. If self-sabotage is your sort of kinkiness, polish the handcuffs and clear your schedule for the middle part of the day. 

Game #2: Michigan State @ Ohio State, 6:30 pm, ABC

Ohio State’s start to the year is good enough to merit a second consecutive prime time game, but us here at TWWW hold ourselves up to much higher standards, check my DVR for proof. How Justin Fields handles the looks and fronts from the Michigan State defense is the story line of the game. I expect little beyond Chase Young’s never-ending pursuit and subsequent retrieval of Brian Lewerke’s spleen when Ohio State’s defense is on the field. 

There’s bound to be some quirkiness to the game, as Mark Dantonio will not allow his Spartans to get choked away in a game unless they are performing the act on themselves. Look for the Spartans to get creative on special teams in efforts to keep the game close. 

Game #1: Iowa @ Michigan, 11 am, Fox 

Is there a stillness in Ann Arbor as Jim Harbaugh contemplates life, takes in the autumn chill and deliberates the excruciating decision to abandon the sort of traditional components of offense that landed Bo Schembechler a winning record against Ohio State? The sort of stillness that presupposes the end of an era? Rumor has it Custer wore khakis and transition lenses at the Battle of Little Bighorn. All you history buffs know he failed to convert on life’s fourth down in that non-conference game. 

Aside from the soap opera component, we’re about to watch what should be the best conference game of the weekend. I have concerns about the Michigan defense, granted Iowa is a little more traditional in its offense, the state uses every last drop of its exotic whims for the setting of baseball games, and want to see how Michigan handles a formidable Iowa offense that can both run and pass. 

Though I’d prefer to handle any sort of short-term chores when Michigan takes the field on offense, I will endure the performance. In some countries throwing the ball over and at the feet of one’s receivers is high art.