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Two B1G mascots are ‘absurd’ enough for Sports Illustrated’s top 10 list

Dustin Schutte

By Dustin Schutte

Published:

Ranking mascots might be the most arbitrary rating system that we have in college football. And yet, we still love to argue about which teams have best, worst, ugliest and scariest.

Sports Illustrated writer Joan Niesen is the latest to take on this task, but puts a new spin on the mascot ranking system.

Due to a terrifying experience that she outlines in her story, Niesen has ranked college football mascots using two sentiments: fear and appreciation of absurdity.

Using that system, two B1G mascots made the list: Ohio State’s Brutus and Michigan State’s Sparty.

Brutus ranked No. 10 on the list while Sparty was one spot ahead at No. 9. Want some reasons for those rankings? She’s got those.

Here’s why Niesen believes Brutus is No. 10:

It was genius; Brutus was Caesar’s close friend, the last person you’d pick to commit an atrocity, just as the last mascot you’d pick to do evil would be an anthropomorphic tree nut. Stay ready.

And the reasoning behind Sparty’s spot at No. 9:

Sparty’s dimensions are a tad more realistic than the average mascot’s—his head is long but not so bulbous—and his muscles are bizarrely lumpy, to the point that they almost look like fat rolls. Bravo!

The B1G wasn’t able to pass up mascots like Syracuse’s Orange or Dartmouth’s Keggy to get higher on the list, but at least the conference was included on such an exclusive list.
To see all the mascots on the list, you can view the article here.
Dustin Schutte

Dustin grew up in the heart of Big Ten country and has been in sports media since 2010. He has been covering Big Ten football since 2014. You can follow him on Twitter: @SchutteCFB