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I picture purgatory to be a waiting room with an issue Sports Illustrated dedicated to the Summer Olympics, the same three James Taylor songs played on a scratchy sound system, and the second weather delay in the Iowa Iowa State game on the room’s standard definition television run on a continuous loop while I search for the right angle to slouch and maintain a level of public decency.
If Maryland’s loss to Temple was a layer of gambling hell with its near makes and total misses, then Iowa’s push against Iowa State left the perfect ending for nearly three hours of rain delay waiting. At least Week Two’s incompetence came to light quickly and with little doubt. Week Three’s interminable suffering culminated in a tie? Time to either build a soup kitchen or a crime consortium, middle-of-the-road ain’t cutting it anymore.
Stickler’s note: All lines taken from mybookie.ag. Lines may have shifted since the column’s inception. Just because you have your family intricately characterized in stick figures on the back of your minivan does not mean you get to ignore people trying to turn in front of you.
Boston College vs. Rutgers +7
The play: Boston College
The logic: Boston College can’t be bad on the level of the second Friday of September on the third Saturday of September, can they? In the firs three games of the year the Eagles scored 87 of 104 total points in the first half. Expect the team to implement a few more wrinkles in the offense coming out of the gate in the second half. Going on the road is the best medicine for Boston College who would not receive a warm welcome in Chestnut Hill if suited up for a home game this week.
The Scarlet Knights stagnant offense, more than likely led by sophomore Artur Sitkowski after McClane Carter suffered a concussion against Iowa in Week Two, seemed punchless against Iowa. Nothing like a little dose of the Piscataway Slog to grow the Eagles’ confidence. Expect AJ Dillon and the Eagles’ rushing attack to capitalize on the 5.2 yards per attempt Rutgers gives up to opponents.
Michigan State vs. Northwestern +9.5
The play: Northwestern
The logic: Tales of offensive misery in the Big Ten take on the vibe of crime statistics in a major metropolitan city. In hushed tones spoken in voices mixed with disgust and wonderment, the sad truth seeping in, you’ll hear, “Ugh, I mean did you see what happened with Michigan State?”
“Terrible, just terrible,” replies the other. Both parties are resigned to the misery of witnessing Big Ten offense. Northwestern’s season opener against Stanford and Michigan State’s game last week against Arizona State the latest examples. Expect Michigan State to improve on last week’s performance after they totaled over 400 yards of offense with only a touchdown to show for it. Nine and the hook seems high though, especially if Hunter Johnson is less erratic than Week One.
In his second game, a full start against UNLV, the quarterback looked less the bumbling newspaper collector who waited out possum on his back porch and more a balanced quarterback. Even with running backs Isaiah Bowser and Jesse Brown questionable, it’s hard to see Michigan State covering a number that seems insurmountable after last week. The rash of injuries to Michigan State’s offensive line make it a more difficult cover.
Connecticut vs. Indiana -27 o/u 57
The play: Under
The logic: Both teams lack the explosiveness on offense to run up quick scores, especially with Indiana quarterback Michael Penix questionable for a second straight week. I don’t know how Tom Allen would choose to start Penix in a game very winnable for the Hoosiers as indicated by the spread.
Connecticut had no success running the ball against Illinois in the Week Two loss with only a little bit better production in the passing game. I can see both teams settling for field goals after long painstaking drives, an equally arduous experience for the players and subscribers to the Big Ten Network.
Last week’s record: 1-1-1
Overall record: 3-5-1
Status on the card: One week of training in backyards, front yards, and side yards, I went toe-to-toe with the Red Rooster in a Loser-Leaves-Yard match, only to wrestle to a draw. To be fair, our match was delayed twice due to lighting.
Nick is a writer for saturdaytradition.com. Your overuse of GIFs forced him away from Twitter. He removed himself from consideration in the Vanderbilt heading coaching search.