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We’ve waited until the last second on our Christmas shopping and now we’re scrambling to find some last-second stocking stuffers.
Fortunately, we’ve got a few really good ideas for every team in the B1G. Nobody will be waking up to a lump of coal on Christmas morning. Some might be a little more valuable than others, but all of our gifts are thoughtful and most certainly useful.
Here’s one stocking stuffer for every team in the B1G this holiday season.
Illinois: That remote from the movie Click
The 2018 season probably isn’t going to be all that much better for the Illini. With the remote, Illinois can fast forward through another struggle-filled season before being a little more competitive in 2019.
Indiana: A game of horseshoes
Four of Indiana’s seven losses came by one possession. At least close actually counts in horseshoes.
Iowa: A box of tissues
Let’s be honest, nobody can get through “The Wave” without tearing up. It’s absolutely the most special thing in college football. Iowa needs an extra big stocking because it needs about 70,000 tissues.
Maryland: Bubble wrap
So many injuries, particularly at quarterback. Hopefully it will help keep the Terrapins healthy next season.
Michigan: A nutcracker
Jim Harbaugh and the Wolverines need something to help crack the Buckeyes.
Michigan State: A gift card for a free bloomin’ onion
We all know Michigan State got gypped out of the Outback Bowl. The least we could do is provide them with a free bloomin’ onion. That’s a fair compromise, right?
Minnesota: Lifesavers
Those boats in Minneapolis didn’t row so much as sink. Lifesavers seem appropriate.
Nebraska: Nothing
Nebraska’s gift came early with Scott Frost being named head coach. BE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU HAVE!
Northwestern: A spotlight
A 9-3 season, a second-place finish in the B1G West and an upset win over Michigan State is a pretty solid season. Still, the Wildcats got no recognition. They deserve to be in a spotlight a little more.
Ohio State: Bananas, sports drinks and ibuprofen
Each of the last two seasons, Ohio State has suffered a hangover loss. I’ve heard bananas, sports drinks and ibuprofen are good for that sort of thing.
Penn State: A neuralyzer (the memory eraser from Men in Black)
Erasing the memory of the entire team every week is much less annoying than hearing James Franklin repeat himself over and over and over and over and over…
Purdue: A first-aid kit
I guess Jim Harbaugh was in charge of getting something for the Boilermakers.
Rutgers: Super glue
The Scarlet Knights have gone through nine offensive coordinators in nine years. Chris Ash might want to think about using some sort of adhesive to keep his next one in town.
Wisconsin: A crystal ball
Barry Alvarez can look into the future and find out which teams will be worth scheduling in non-conference play. Apparently that matters.
Dustin grew up in the heart of Big Ten country and has been in sports media since 2010. He has been covering Big Ten football since 2014. You can follow him on Twitter: @SchutteCFB